The Web’s most funiest search queries

Okay, okay, I know April Fool’s day is over. Today is Easter Sunday over here in the Philippines and usually, this is the day the majority of the country comes back from suspended animation. All the shops are open, the malls go on an Easter Sunday mall-wide sale the churches are filled to the brim, or roof rather. Basically everyone else goes back to their normal lives. What that normal life is, is for another post.

Aside from that, internet life in the country also goes back up to normal traffic levels and the guys at Friendster are happy about it because Filipinos are now going back online. To help us in breaking out of our Lenten mood of being so religious that it merely amps up our hypocrisy, here are ten of some of the funniest and weirdest search queries ever to be entertained by the search engines and to hit our web pages. These queries are compiled by a nifty metrics site 103bees.com in a section of their site called the HoneyPot where in users can submit the weirdest and funniest search queries that matched their blogs, no matter how unexplainable it is.

“All the e-mail addresses of the people in malaysia” shared by aizatto

Hmm…another major spam campaign is around the corner? But seriously, why would anyone want all those e-mail addresses?

“What are some ways to make your ass get big?” shared by nickel

I really don’t know, does Jennifer Lopez has a blog or website? Maybe she could help.

“do all girls with tattoos like to get spanked?” shared by adhpub

This could be a very dangerous proposition. Then again, it would definitely be a wild ride. LOL

“how to get rid of man boobs” shared by JasonBartholme

I bet this also came from the guy who made the previous query. Poor guy, must be suffering a lot from his man boobs. Anyways, I’m sure Ade Magnaye could help you out.

“blow job lernen” translates into “learn blow job” shared by karlogaga (honestly, this is his user id)

Don’t you just love the free access of knowledge via the internet?

“wie spaet iss es” translates into “what time is it?” shared by wunschkinder

Remind this guy that one of the few useful features Windows have is a clock at the bottom right-hand corner of the screen.

“schweiß stinkt anzeichen für schwanger?” translates into “Smelling sweat, a sign for pregnancy?” shared by wunschkinder

It’s really poor hygiene dude you should take a bath more often, speaking of baths, I haven’t had one this day and I’m already blogging and wait, I smell like sweat. OMFG am I pregnant?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!11111!!1111

“why would my husband order a sex toy for himself?” shared by adhpub

When was the last time you and your husband did it? I hear marriage counsellings is in the air…LOL

“world’s largest marijuana” shared by travoholic

This would be like the ‘Tree of Life’ or the ‘Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil’ for stoners and crack pots!

“can you get aids from your own semen?” shared by icentric

I’ve never heard of semen transplants before, if it’s true this would be a serious health issue.

It’s amazing what happens when human nature and a search engine comes face to face. Come back again for there would be more of these weird, funny and dumbfounding web queries. Do you know of some? Do share it please.

Tagged as: 103bees, Humor, Internet, Retarded stuff, Search Engines